I am worried about you…

I am worried about you. There is no way of sugarcoating it.

This year the holidays are going to be drastically different and in many cases, lonely and isolating. This is insensitively on the heels of a year that delivered much of the same.

Oddly, there are many silver linings to divorce. One benefit is it forces you to release your attachment to the holiday traditions that you clung to for so long. You learn to let go of what society tells you the holidays "should be" and step into what your new holiday "can be." And it "can be" absolutely everything or simply nothing at all. You choose. But that shift takes time and without a doubt, the first year is the hardest.

I can remember the first time I dropped my kids off to celebrate Thanksgiving with their dad. I drove away and was immediately swept up in a wave of soul crushing loneliness that took my breath away. I wandered the corridors of the mall for hours, bagless, just to be close to people. The first Christmas morning without my children, I checked myself into a hotel because, at a Hilton, even on Christmas morning, you are never alone.

I share this because, for many of you, this will feel like your "first year" and it is going to be raw and hard.

So let me tell you some of the things that have helped me along the way.

Allow yourself to grieve. Letting go of tradition is a loss. You get to feel that. And be sad about it.

Trying to recreate what you have always done in a year where nothing is normal, may make things harder. So throw the whole thing on its ear. Do something completely new and absolutely nontraditional. Five years ago I turned Thanksgiving into an epic nerf battle with cash prizes, followed by brunch. Two new nerf guns arrived in the mail yesterday and my children are already talking smack.

Take care of yourself. Draw a hot bath. Buy beautiful flowers. Blast your favorite music. Indulge. Pamper. Eat the pumpkin pie - the whole damn thing if you need to. Screw the calories - the first year you are simply trying to make it to the next day!

The holidays have a way of amplifying things. The dark can get really dark. Breathe. Light candles. Turn on every light in every room. Remember this is a feeling and it will pass.

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas can just be Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. And that is ok.

Have a plan. Don't try to wing it. Be intentional. Control the day instead of letting it control you.

And finally. Reach out. Please reach out! Message me. Call a friend. If you are struggling, do not sit with this alone.

I tried to write a final paragraph but realized I need to leave it open-ended. This year we don't get closure. But just know you only have to make it through one "first." After that you've already created something new.